Wednesday, November 11, 2009

So, today is Veteran's Day.

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Today is 11 November.

It was 91 years ago that the War To End All Wars, well, ended.

Initially referred to as Armistice Day, we came to discover that World War One was, well, somewhat mislabeled.

Now, we look back on around 230 years of devotion, 230 years of men and women making the ultimate sacrifice... some lesser sacrifices... and the sweat, time, energy and demands of the defense of the United States; a defense occasionally foolish, occasionally misguided, but always on the backs, hearts and minds of those of us who've served her.

My Flag will be at half-staff today until 1700 hours. The President has ordered it; in honor of the dead and wounded (or, as the lamestream media has taken to referring to them; the dead and "injured," of Fort Hood) and when it comes to this matter, I will obey Mr. Obama, since it is the least I can do.

So, how are we as a society observing this day?

Well, we're having sales. What would the American economy be without Veteran's Day sales?

We've had a few parades. I used to go to all of them, but I came to notice that few of the participants were actually veterans. Most were Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, High School Bands, Little League teams of various stripes and things of that sort.

In short, for all of the participants, save the Veterans, the parade is no different then any of the many others these same groups are involved in. In fact, I perceived they stopped being about veterans, who seem to have become not a lot more than a means to an end.

So I stopped going.

Yesterday, there was a Memorial to the troops slaughtered by one of their own at Fort Hood. I could not bring myself to watch because I could not bear to be sickened by the president who, no doubt, would again invest some "friends" with a few additional "shout outs" like he stupidly and cluelessly did the afternoon of the blood-letting.

But what about today? What are we doing to remember those who've served, who, if they didn't sacrifice their lives or blood, at least sacrificed of a large part of their time and effort... years away from their families and their country (I spent around 7 years out of the US... or, even now, a little over 1 day for every 7 days I've been alive) alternately freezing, frying, living in places most wouldn't be caught dead in with people who did not want us there.

What are we doing for the Veterans today?

Today's Wednesday, so our President will again be engaging in his weekly, Nero-esque White House party... costs, no doubt, be damned (I guess he doesn't know about things like homelessness and unemployment: after all, he's never been either so in his tone deafness, this guy parties and golfs while the country burns) and since he never felt highly enough about his country to ever serve it in the military, I'm reasonably sure his cluelessness will preclude him from doing what he SHOULD be doing.... like going over to Walter Reed without cameras, or even taking the time to talk to his commanding general in Afghanistan... a lack of communication that will cost us even more blood.

I will do what I always do: I will make sure the flag is clean, the lights lighting it are bright, the flag pole is well maintained, and i will think about those no longer with us... those who served us nobly and well... those who loved their country enough to pay for their benefits in advance at the risk of their lives, limbs, sight, hearing, and everything else they possessed.

And I do believe I'll be skipping all the sales.

Meanwhile, the legendary columnist Mike Royko had a few hundred well-chosen words on the subject, and even though I neither smoke nor drink (I'm not a fanatic about it; I just don't happen to like either activity) I heartily endorse Mike's Proposals.

With an equally hearty hat tip to BLACKFIVE for reposting this so I, and now you, can read it again.

I just phoned six friends and asked them what they will be doing on Monday.

They all said the same thing: working.

Me, too.

There is something else we share. We are all military veterans.

And there is a third thing we have in common. We are not employees of the federal government, state government, county government, municipal government, the Postal Service, the courts, banks, or S & Ls, and we don’t teach school.

If we did, we would be among the many millions of people who will spend Monday goofing off.

Which is why it is about time Congress revised the ridiculous terms of Veterans Day as a national holiday.

The purpose of Veterans Day is to honor all veterans.

So how does this country honor them?...

...By letting the veterans, the majority of whom work in the private sector, spend the day at their jobs so they can pay taxes that permit millions of non-veterans to get paid for doing nothing.

As my friend Harry put it:

"First I went through basic training. Then infantry school. Then I got on a crowded, stinking troop ship that took 23 days to get from San Francisco to Japan. We went through a storm that had 90 percent of the guys on the ship throwing up for a week.

"Then I rode a beat-up transport plane from Japan to Korea, and it almost went down in the drink. I think the pilot was drunk.

"When I got to Korea, I was lucky. The war ended seven months after I got there, and I didn’t kill anybody and nobody killed me.

"But it was still a miserable experience. Then when my tour was over, I got on another troop ship and it took 21 stinking days to cross the Pacific.

"When I got home on leave, one of the older guys at the neighborhood bar — he was a World War II vet — told me I was a ----head because we didn’t win, we only got a tie.

"So now on Veterans Day I get up in the morning and go down to the office and work.

"You know what my nephew does? He sleeps in. That’s because he works for the state.

"And do you know what he did during the Vietnam War? He ducked the draft by getting a job teaching at an inner-city school.

"Now, is that a raw deal or what?"

Of course that’s a raw deal. So I propose that the members of Congress revise Veterans Day to provide the following:

- All veterans — and only veterans — should have the day off from work. It doesn’t matter if they were combat heroes or stateside clerk-typists.

Anybody who went through basic training and was awakened before dawn by a red-neck drill sergeant who bellowed: "Drop your whatsis and grab your socks and fall out on the road," is entitled.

- Those veterans who wish to march in parades, make speeches or listen to speeches can do so. But for those who don’t, all local gambling laws should be suspended for the day to permit vets to gather in taverns, pull a couple of tables together and spend the day playing poker, blackjack, craps, drinking and telling lewd lies about lewd experiences with lewd women. All bar prices should be rolled back to enlisted men’s club prices, Officers can pay the going rate, the stiffs.

- All anti-smoking laws will be suspended for Veterans Day. The same hold for all misdemeanor laws pertaining to disorderly conduct, non-felonious brawling, leering, gawking and any other gross and disgusting public behavior that does not harm another individual.

- It will be a treasonable offense for any spouse or live-in girlfriend (or boyfriend, if it applies) to utter the dreaded words: "What time will you be home tonight?"

- Anyone caught posing as a veteran will be required to eat a triple portion of chipped beef on toast, with Spam on the side, and spend the day watching a chaplain present a color-slide presentation on the horrors of VD.

- Regardless of how high his office, no politician who had the opportunity to serve in the military, but didn’t, will be allowed to make a patriotic speech, appear on TV, or poke his nose out of his office for the entire day.

Any politician who defies this ban will be required to spend 12 hours wearing headphones and listening to tapes of President Clinton explaining his deferments.

Now, deal the cards and pass the tequila.

- Mike Royko

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