"Why do you read it?"

I read, on a regular basis, a blog titled: "The Unknown Soldiers."  It's a blog about the lives of our men and women who are getting killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, written by a columnist and former reporter.

This blog is about valiant U.S. troops who do their duty - largely without media attention or fanfare – and how a nation at war cannot afford to stand idly by.

I don't like to read it.  There's no humor.  There's no happy ending.  There's only death and a glimmer of hope.  Each who read it can draw their own conclusions.

On Friday, there was an entry called "Fields of Gold."  it was about a guy, older then most (27), who was KIA in Afghanistan.... a grenade got him on 21 May.

The first paragraph grabbed me:

Even while Spc. Arronn Fields was in Afghanistan, he was working on his favorite project: restoring a 1969 Ford Mustang Mach 1.

I had one, back when *I* was an E-5 in 2/60 Mech back in 76.

"Wonder what it looks like," I think.  And down at the bottom, here is the picture.



And that's the exact same kind of car I owned.  Same color.  Same stripe.  Same blacked-out hood.  Same scoop.  Same engine.

It hit me really hard, for some reason.

I told my wife about it.  She looks at me and says:

"Why do you read it?"

Why do you read those things?  They make you sad and hurt you... I worry about you when you read that stuff... or words to that effect.

I thought about it a moment... and I said...

"Because it's supposed to matter."

It's supposed to matter.  These kids are dying... and getting maimed... and getting messed up in ways we can't even see...

And it's supposed to matter.

Does it?

Not enough.

It's why I worked so hard to keep my son out... successfully (for now).  Because it's hard to see where it matters.

I used to think it did.  I used to believe in the cause... until the cause was muddied... and ROE's started getting us killed... and the concept of there being "no substitute for victory" just became a trite, historical phrase uttered by a know-nothing named MacAuthur.

The lesson that democracy cannot be successfully installed at the end of an American bayonet or cruise missile has been re-enforced.  Pathetic leadership that doesn't know what it's doing, that puts an agenda ahead of a military strategy, that results in criminals... but theoretically, OUR criminals... getting to run a country that is now again among the leaders in producing heroin... on OUR watch... heroin that is being sold HERE... again re-enforced.  That pisses me off now, and it pissed me off when Bush was running the show.

Leadership perceived as cowardly (Do you believe for a second that Iran would be jacking around with a President McCain like they are the empty suit in the White House?) and so on... and so on.

It's supposed to matter. 

But it doesn't seem to.

And it hits me hard.