Does John Laird remind anyone else of Joseph Goebbels or Baghdad Bob?

The writing took place in a Vancouver sewer in 2013.  But, ideologically speaking, the writer was as much a liar as the Nazi Propaganda Minister during the halcyon days of the Third Reich... or during those explosive days of Saddam Hussein's Baghdad Bob.

Thus, here is the column the pit yorkie SHOULD have published:

The governor from across the river getting progressively more desperate.... and progressively more stupid, hoisted his britches, pointed to an easel with a fantasy picture of a bridge that STILL hasn't been designed; ignored all of the other lies the CRC Scammers like Laird have been babbling about for a decade now, and bellowed: "No loot rail, no bridge!  No kidding!"

Lo, the assembled crowd of Scammers erupted into riotous fury.  These people would not be swayed by reality.  Slowly, the shouting subsided and self-appointed leaders Jim "Moelhill" Moeller, aided by Tim "The Liar" Leave-it, Annette "Liar" Cleveland, Paul "Identity Vancouver" Montague and Kelly "Chamber of Horrors" Parker rose to proclaim:  "Forget all those lies we've been babbling about 'safety, earthquakes, freight mobility' and 'congestion.'  None of those lies matter.  That's just the smoke and mirrors we've been using to sell this community out to TriMet and to convince the ignorant and the stupid that we actually need this steaming pile..  No loot rail?  Then NO BRIDGE."

Harrumps echoed around the dimly lit union hall.  Urged on by his friends and still channeling Mussolini, Moelhill and the other lying scum continued to babble:  "It doesn't matter that we've been lying for years and that the corruption, incompetence and rot of this project or about how everyone shilling for this crap generally but the newspaper in particular has lied their ass off for so long they wouldn't know the truth if it bit them.  PLEASE bend us over and ram it where the sun don't shine!" said the expert in the field.

The governor from Olympia braced himself and said, "you know, I'm new around here but I've learned a valuable lesson: even those who are supposed to be working for me have no problem lying to my face to suck me in on this scam."

A fuming newspaper editor from Texas would have none of that.  "We don't care about the details or how badly this rip off will damage the community OR how much we have to lie, omit, exaggerate and attack the opposition to get this scam built."

The governor growled from his taxpayer-paid junket with his girlfriend to Bhutan, "Because it's not YOUR bridge, Jay. There are two sides to this river, and even though you morons in Clark County are going to have to pay billions in tolls for 40 years, my side has quadruple the population of your side, and we're saying no loot rail, no bridge."

The editor's rage intensified: "There you go again, Mr. Fancy Pants Oregon Governor, telling us how to run Clark County, even though no one over here elected you to squat!  Please bend us over by threatening us and ignoring all the lies we've been telling for so long about why we REALLY want this rip off built!"

The governor shot back, "Maybe if you ever got out of Vancouver you might see how the rest of the world lives. Other cities welcome progress with open arms, although if other cities had this much corruption in their process, we'd all be swinging from the nearest lamp posts."

"Look," said the entire community in a variety of ways," we don't want your rip off, we don't want tolls, we don't want loot rail.... but you CRC Scammers have NEVER listened to us because you're afraid what WE want will conflict with what YOU want."

The governor, doing his best Hitler, tried to reason with them:  "Since when does it matter WHAT you people want?  In fact, you don't even KNOW what you want.  Just ignore the Oregon State Supreme Court decision that exposed the lies at to why we're trying to build this rip off, a fact that I confirmed by throwing my hissy fit via press release a few days back."

The Commissioner replied: "but how can I open the floodgate of jobs with the CRC's foot on a $100,000,000 a year for the next 40+ years, strangling the small business dependent on that disposable income?"

He was greeted by silence.  You could hear a pin not only hit the floor, you could hear it fall through the air... until the cacophony of crickets drowned out every other sound.

The governor leaned over and carefully enunciated, "we're from across the river, and we don't give a damn what happens to you people.   I mean, that's obvious since we've been lying about safety all these years and now we're trading loot rail for that very safety we've been lying about."

Tim "The Liar" Leave-it, who ran on a campaign of "OPPOSING" tolls, started hopping up and down: "When can we start tolling?  When can we start tolling?"

The governor sighed: "You got any better ideas on how to pay for the bridge?"

"Yeah," said the people of Clark County.  "As a matter of fact, we do."

"As you stupidly pointed out to us," the people said, "it's not OUR bridge.  Yet YOU expect US to PAY for it.  Frankly, it's scary that anyone elected you dog-catcher.  If this is a FEDERAL project, than FEDERAL dollars should pay for ALL of it, if it has to be built it all.  But of course, your constant drumbeat of lies notwithstanding, it shouldn't BE built.  Period.

And, since you clowns couldn't plan a tree house and you've made $170 million of the $400 million or so you WANT to waste on "planning" vaporize without turning a shovel full of dirt, your proven incompetence by itself should kill this deal. Since you asked."

The now-squirming CRC Scammers babbled, "but our experts say we're on top of this and we should just ignore the concerns and demands of the people who would use and pay for this rip off."

"Your expert is paid by the your fellow CRC Scammers," the people replied. "What did you expect?"

Happily, in the senate, these meetings accomplished a great deal.  They served to galvanize opposition and the decision has been made to kill this scam which will certainly be entertaining as CRC Scammer heads explode all over the region.

This corruptive, rotten rip off was finally and irrevocably dropped in it's tracks, crushing CRC Scammer political careers and ending the massive waste of time, effort and energy this has been from the beginning... and loot rail was killed.

A century later, Clark County was doing just fine without it.

And in a way, the people were right.  Stopping this rip off sent a message to the arrogant scum who did everything they could, everything imaginable, to ram this garbage down the throats of the community they were SUPPOSED to serve.  But the people rebelled, because once your community is damaged by this kind of corruption, life is never the same.

This is the column that little worm who is leaving the rag (Thank God) SHOULD have written.